I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize