I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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