I wanna bring you to show and tell
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize
