i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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