I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
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