This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
