You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
