Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
