You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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