Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
