....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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