Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
