do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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