Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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