If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
