I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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