You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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