i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
