this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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