I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
