I just threw up on my dentist
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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