I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
