i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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