Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
