So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
