This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
What a dumb baby whore.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
