my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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