I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
