wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
