Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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