True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
