i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
