who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
