Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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