I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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