Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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