I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Couch. On fire.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
