I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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