if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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