Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
