I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
