it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
