batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
