I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So squirting runs in the family.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
