Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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