i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
