So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
