Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
