The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
