they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
