In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
