So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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