at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
