Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
