turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
