im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
