he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
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Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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