I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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