You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
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I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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