i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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