She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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