My underwear smells like fireworks.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
