I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
