i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
