I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
