my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
