I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
