im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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