It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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