I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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