on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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