u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
porn star boner night. come get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize