you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
