well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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