I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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